1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3.When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

4.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6.Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

7.Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

8.Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

10.Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.

11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Superbowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.

12. Powerbars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Ergo (therefore) they must make you thin.

13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)

14. Tasting other people's food does not add to your calorie count.

15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.




















There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. ~Mark Twain

Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet. ~Dan Bennett

We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it. ~Author Unknown

Fat is not a moral problem. It's an oral problem. ~Jane Thomas Noland

Never eat more than you can lift. ~Miss Piggy

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner. ~H.S. Leigh

All people are made alike - of bones and flesh and dinner - Only the dinners are different. ~Gertrude Louise Cheney

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~Orson Welles

Clogged with yesterday's excess, the body drags the mind down with it. ~Horace

We rarely repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson

A waist is a terrible thing to mind. ~Tom Wilson

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. ~Dave Barry

I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it? ~Author Unknown

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it. ~Jackie Gleason

It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears. ~Plutarch

I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat. ~Jennifer Greene Duncan

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu. ~Jane Wagner

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. ~Author Unknown

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author Unknown

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney

If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies. ~Elmer Rice

I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! ~Author Unknown

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. ~Totie Fields

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author Unknown

In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr, "Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall," The Snake Has All the Lines, 1958

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little. ~John Kenneth Galbraith, The Affluent Society

One should eat to live, not live to eat. ~Cicero, Rhetoricorum LV

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. ~Author Unknown

Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. ~English Proverb

Your stomach shouldn't be a waist basket. ~Author Unknown

A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. ~Author Unknown